Breakup
Break up - RozchodI was wondering recently, if there are specific types of people who excel at different stages of a relationship. I think so. What we can learn from those, who manage well break ups?Some people go best with the beginnings – brilliantly handle the initial meetings, know how to charm, behave casually, can entertain. Personally, I do not like beginnings so much. I’m the worse in managing uncertainty and usually look forward to be at least somewhat clear, not to wear those rose-colored glasses or be influenced by an increased amount of dopamine, which blinds us. Other people may excel in the course of the relationship. They do not make big mistakes, give the other space and at the same time are not easily vulnerable. They can support their partner and maintain their interests while working on their self-development. And some people manage breakups very well. It is sad but also part of a relationship. How to cope with it? The ten advices … and a bonus in the end 1. Relationship, to me, is necessary to save it and manage it before it completely falls apart. If your partner announces that he has already given up and does not want to continue, the best is to accept his decision. Of course before that, one or several long discussions can come. But if you see that the partner does not intend to keep working on the relationship, it is necessary to accept it. 2. You agreed on breaking up. Now the emotional acceptance of the situation will probably begin. Try not to oppose your emotions, but do not make a scene in front of the partner or publicly through social networks. Call your loved ones who will support you through this difficult moment. Cry while on the phone with your friends or somewhere alone. Sometimes it’s hard, but your partner will probably be very uncomfortable to see you completely crushed and it would be better to spare him, especially if you already tried everything to save the relationship. 3. If you live together, try to agree on moving out. Even if your partner will offer shared housing, do not accept it. Once you have ended the relationship, it would be very difficult to continue with the same closeness, which common housing would provide. It is reasonable to arrange the distribution of goods, strictly and fairly if possible. You do not need his support. Prefer to borrow money from other close ones. 4. Think of the partner as a person, whom you respect, but your life does not depends on. I personally keep communicating with my exes on a basis of friendship. This friendship, however, has its own rules. It is not everyday contact, which could be interpreted ambiguously. On the other hand, if I need to solve something with an ex, I’ll contact them like any other man. So I will not deliberately avoid them. 5. Save yourself and them fromyour emotional outbursts while intoxicated or under the stress of loneliness, depression or inability to cope with the breakup. Nothing will drive away your partners more than bombarding them with text messages meaningless to them, for which you probably never receive an answer. Never blame them for the end of the relationship nor make them feel guilty. Breakup is always a matter of both. 6. Continue to communicate with their friends and family, but not about your relationship. I personally maintain contact with those I love, even after the breakup. The fact that we ended the relationship, does not mean you cannot call his parents or siblings, especially if they are keen to remain in contact. 7. Do not accept things that you are uncomfortable with or you are not sure where will lead. Which means no sex after the breakup. You’re not so desperate for sex to have it with your former boyfriend. Either find someone else, or do not have sex at all. The world will not stop turning. 8. From time to time have contact with your exes. Especially, if it is Christmas, birthday or they have to make an important life decision. Let them know that you still care. 9. If you see them, act friendly. A hug, a kiss on the cheek or other friendly gesture is fine. Joke how you used to. Do not expect anything more, nor let anything more to happen. Show your former partner, that you’re on top of things and even if you still love them, the relationship with them is already out of your expectations. 10. Do not play the role of victim. Work on yourself, share with your former boyfriend your successes or achievements, have fun with them, share interesting things or plans. Do not rage over the past. Also do not overly talk about your new acquaintances. Just the fact that you have someone or not is enough. You can discuss details of a new relationship with friends or with the Ex but after a longer time. If you have chosen a partner for some reason, spent some time with them and share your life, I do not think that they would become a bad people after the relationship finishes, even if they could somehow hurt you. If you show them that you can cope with the breakup, probably they will continue to behave respectfully. Finally, you can get a great friend and the longer time after the breakup, the more you may realize that it was the right choice. Here is the last tip: If you partner realizes the situation and wants to return, make sure you first make things clear to what would be a good change. Personally, I’m going back, if the situation resolves soon after a breakup with a partner I still have a bond with. If it is a long time after the breakup and something fundamental does not happen there is no reason for me to renew the relationship.