Cheating - Nevěra

Is monogamy possible? My opinion concerning cheating the partner has been always strict: if you think to do it, your partner is probably not the right one. But, is it really so simple? Is infidelity a personal problem or can be pointing to different signs? Can we forgive our partner after having done that and live same life as before? Is cheating a man’s privilege or does women cheat as well? If your partner cheated once will he, or she, do it again?

People have many different approaches. Some people consider kissing as cheating, others tolerate one time flaws easily. Living a monogamous life is surely possible, but it may not be so exciting and you will need to be mature and have a partner you love and respect. Infidelity, in my opinion, produces too many problems. What if my partner finds out? What will my close circle of people will say if I tell them? What if the person, I cheat my partner with, will demand to solve the issue?

So what are the reasons to cheat our partner?

First of all, it might be different whether we cheat our partner after few months of relationship or after 10 years when we live separate lives. There’ s a big difference, for example, if we get drunk and never see the person again, if we fall in love with someone or if we cheat constantly but we are contented with our relationship and we don’t want to change it. Here are some reasons why people have an out of the relationship sex:

1) People who lack attention and beat their insecurities by having sex with other people.

2) People who don’t care about their partner. They are selfish and do not think about their partner’s feelings. They give in to their impulses.

3) People for whom one partner is not enough. Monogamy is not for them and they will always have more partners.

4) People frustrated in their relationship, who are bored, lack sex etc. but they are not brave enough to end it and find better partner.

5) People who are content in the relationship for a long time and fall in love with someone else, but don’t want to destroy the family.

6) Many other reasons.

If your partner cheated on you it is necessary to realize that more important than the question of “will I be able to trust him again?” is the question “what has contributed to the situation?”.

Apart of that, infidelity reflects the state of your relationship, it also speaks about your partner. If he is a pathological liar, an alcoholic or had affairs from the beginning of the relationship, it is up to you to tolerate his mistakes or look somewhere else. But if your partner is not like that, you

may consider thinking about the reasons which led to the infidelity. Even if you don’t forgive him, you may realize what to do differently next time. I think we should never blame the cheater for everything. If he is always the wrong one and the rest of the world is correct it may be sign of immaturity.

Also, the idea of evil cheating men and good women who do not cheat, is not ideal, or somehow, doesn’t sound correct to me. Maybe women cheat less, but that’s maybe because they hide it better or probably just because they are more afraid of others’ reactions or judgment; they are more scared of social consequences, or they may realize that the revelation of their infidelity hurts and they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings. However, if you’re the one who’s cheating the other, maybe you should consider the following questions:

* Why do I cheat on my partner, what am I missing in my relationship? Is it impossible to improve the relationship or why do I not simply break up and start trying to get into a better one in which I can feel happier?

* How would I feel in my partner place?

* Does it really worth it? What if my partner discovers it later on? How would be the their reaction? How will I take it?

* Why would I stay in a relationship with someone whom I do not respect enough to be faithful to?

If you have a friend that is cheating or being cheated on

* Would I like to know it, if my partner was cheating on me?

* Is it my concern, what my friend is doing?

* Will something change if I am honest by letting this information come to the betrayed one?

Infidelity in a relationship might be impulse to break-up, to solve issues or to realize our own mistakes. Most people most often don’t act until it is too late and infidelity comes to light, or the partner breaks it up. But cheating should not be considered as a normal behavior and we need to face the situation to acknowledge that infidelity brings out several consequences.

We should consider if there is a better solution: Can we be honest to ourselves, to our partners and to people around us? In fact, we should. No one wants to be the last one to know he was betrayed by his partner.