The feeling that our partner does not give us enough attention and love can be very unpleasant. It brings a lot of doubts and stress. Everyone would like their partner to love them in the same way as they do. What if they do not do that? What if we are not sure about their feelings? Should we invest into this relationship?
Even I agree that a woman should not be too proactive and let men be the active ones, some time ago I came across an article which discussed if it is really that bad to be the one who loves more. I have few friends who have exchanged relationships full of peace and certainty for a feeling of passion and big love, with all its pluses and minuses – and that are not just few.
So what makes us to persist in strong and emotional relationships and what makes us appreciate peaceful and reliable partners?
Problem is not the intensity of our love. The problem is if we behave in a way so we don’t feel foolish. Instead of expressing our emotions we analyze our relationships too much and try to avoid feeling desperate, humiliated or vulnerable.
But this won’t help us. Moreover, the only person who can change is us. We can learn to show love in a secure way that will help us to find happiness and fulfilment in life.
To make it clear: by this, I don’t mean to find a partner who doesn’t care about us and force our love to him. Nor to stay in a relationship which is unhealthy or destructive. But relationships are not black or white. It is easy to think: “He does not invite me for a dinner every week, he does not call me every day, he did not tell me yet that he loves me…it is time to leave him.” Not every time this means real partners feelings and even so, it does not mean that they cannot change.
Do you want me? Bad question.
What if we care about our partner and apart of small things we feel good in the relationship? Let’s try once instead of thinking about what our partner does focus on our behavior. Sometimes people tend to close themselves and get distant when they feel overwhelmed by the emotions. They can get scared by deep feelings or commitment which close relationships bring.
A relationship between two people means to be responsible one for the other. A partnership means sharing, trust and happiness for each other’s success, support, effort to understand each other and tolerance. For some people, this can be too much to take.
So what are the pluses of being the partner who loves more?
- The feeling of loving someone itself is enrichment on its own. It is nice to have a relationship with someone, whom we know, loves us, but we won’t be as satisfied as in a relationship in which we feel loved.
- We will try to be better for our partner. This doesn’t mean that we will change completely, as our partner likes, but we will try to improve ourselves. We may stop smoking, because we don’t want them to breathe the smoke; we may start doing physical exercise to look better, or start biking, because our partner loves trips by bike.
- We will find out what our boundaries are, and how far are we able to go. If we truly love, we may find out that we can behave irrationally. We may start being jealous even we have never been before, or tolerate things, which would normally mean the end.
How to become a loving partner in a relationship?
- Show your emotions. Don’t be afraid to say that you love your partner. Sometimes we tend to judge who should say what and when. Don’t play games or over think too much. Your partner can harm you anyway. It is better to let people know how you feel, then keep quiet because of fear.
- Try to avoid calculations as I gave this to you – you gave that to me. Stop counting who did what for each other. Do things and don’t think about getting anything back. It may be hard sometimes, but you will feel better and your relationship will become guilt free.
- Take part in activities which make your partner happy. Try to get interested in your partners hobbies and share yours. If your partner plays guitar, go to their concert, even if they may have no time for you. Also, you don’t have to leave your hobbies for his. New hobbies can enrich your time.
- Show your love in a manner which will make your partner happy. For someone can manifestation of love means cooking dinner, other people needs to hear “I love you”. It is important to show love in a manner which our partner will understand.
- Don’t close yourself. When the relationship starts to be intimate people tend to prevent hurting themselves by closing themselves from the partner. They start to be cynical or criticize imperfections. But each of these comments build a wall between you and your partner.
Being strict with your partner can be a protection from getting hurt. If you love someone, you are more afraid of losing them or losing the life before you met them. You should try to fight these fears and learn how to show love and affection instead of critical and cynical comments.
At the end the only emotion we can feel are ours. Be a loving partner is good for us at the first place. We can build positive relationship not just to our partner but also to people around us. Also this will allow us to show our emotions authentically, openly and naturally and be more honest to ourselves.