Open your heart
open your heartIs it better to be naive with an open heart or emotionally cold and analyzing? Recently I was talking with a colleague at work, whether it is better if we had been hurt a few times, because we are honest or whether it is better to build walls around ourselves which are not easy to penetrate.I, as a representative of openness value, would rather suggest the first option, despite the cost of minor heartaches. And that supports more than one reason. But let me begin with two examples. Since high school, Anna had a problem obeying authorities. She resented being told what to do, which happened at school quite often. At work, it was similar. Usually she did not address the work issues to her superiors, because she feared that it would have eventually turned against her or that she would annoy others with her issues. In recent work, however, she did act on opposite way. On the very first problem with a colleague she decided to trust the manager for the first time and solve the situation with his support. Within her surprise, nothing of what she initially feared had happened: her relationship with her fellow colleague did not suffer and her manager supported her from that point on. Another example is on personal relations field. A girl, let’s name her Bara, is beautiful, intelligent and talented. Her father was not much interested in holding the family; she had never felt his support, and, in the end, he left them. Bara feels that nobody will love her enough and that guys are not to be given much value. Now she is choosing counterparts, who impress her, but at the slightest lack of respect or flaw, she leaves. Once she finds the ”perfect” man, he usually disappoints her. In conclusion, all men surrounding her seem to act as if they do not respect their own partners, and this way her distrust is confirmed. Do not be afraid to look stupid What are the pros of having confidence in others and see them under a better light? 1. Whether we are optimistic and love the people around us, they will probably behave similar to us. Simple act of transmission. People do not love us for ourselves, but for how they feel in our company. On opposite side of the medal, by tiring people, oppressing or depressing them, we will attract only people with low self-esteem – others will not last for long. 2. Being open and expressing our feelings might not be the safest way (there can always be rejection, misunderstanding or disappointment); on the other hand, if this occurs while establishing the relationship, probably we will avoid more “losses” later. 3. Often people are afraid that they will look weak if they act innocently. After all, the world around us is so hostile. I think the opposite is true. Nowadays I would rather consider some people as weak if they are constantly kicking around themselves or degrading others. 4. It may appear silly having a better opinion about others, when they don’t have the same about us – I mean those who naturally assume that others do not worth much – but isn’t, indeed, more fun to talk with people rather than about them? 5. Keeping distance from others is fine, if you don’t know them. But we should not automatically assume that they will behave like someone who had disappointed in the past. 6. If we were used by others, whether it is for financial help, casual sex or satisfaction of other needs, it is not them to blame but ourselves. Someone can be open and warm and even though avoid those unpleasant experiences. Trust does not mean surrender or sacrifice. 7. Emotionally cold and closed individuals most probably are attractive initially, whilst establishing an intimate relationship. It’s not easy to approach them. We are unsure on what to think about them. They are a great mystery. But we also don’t know what lies inside. 8. In case we decide after a few disappointments to conceal our true feelings, to be distant, to not trust others and use similar defensive strategies, others will find us either superior or they will entice to conquer us. Difficulty may be encountered when we disclose our feelings to such an “explorer” and we start to trust him/her. Our relationship dynamics may change and it is quite possible they will leave us, inadvertently harm or disappoint us. But is it their fault? After all, they met, from the beginning, a very different person. How much trust is too much? In my opinion, the problem arises and should be faced when we exaggerate with the confidence we give to others; when we expect others to have the same values as we do; when we let them influence our life and we start playing the role of defenseless victims. More often, people who naturally trust others don’t get disappointed, unlike those who don’t show trust. Such people are easy to be disappointed, as they expect others to be perfect. For them, any error is an insurmountable problem. However people are not perfect. They do not always behave according to our needs. What others do usually has nothing to do with us. We all act depending on our own values and beliefs; we can hardly change someone else’s.