Although I believe that sex should be more done than talked about, I decided to write an article on this topic. I meet often with people who have problems in this area. Whether it is a different sex frequency between partners, unexpected downturn in one of them or avoiding intimate contact and close relationship completely.
Personally I have not experienced any major problem in this area, which is why I do not support the proposition that the quality of sex mirrors the quality of a relationship. People can have great sex, but still can be unable to build a relationship on that. Although the quality of the relationship can be identified by the depth of intimacy, I think it is not completely related to sex.
Imagine that you have a sexual relationship with an older, married man. You are longing for him, seeing him sporadically and sex is passionate and your entire relationship is built on it. You spend days and nights dreaming about your partner and your sexual adventures, secretly hoping that one day you will be together. And then you really become partners.
Still your relationship is passionate, you are attracted to your partner and have enjoyable sex, but you will find out that you disagree in many other areas. The man has friends who are not interesting for you and likes to spend weekends in the countryside, you prefer partying in the city. Trust is also not absolute, because you started the relationship by cheating someone else. Do you think that such a relationship is deep and full of intimacy when you have great sex?
Components of sexual compliance harmony
According to me, sex makes roughly one-third of a relationship. Yes, I am a woman, for men it may be a higher percentage, after all, each of us can perceive it differently. Into sex – intimacy category I include the following:
- Trust between partners,
- sexual attraction,
- consensus on what they like or are willing to try,
- frequency that is satisfactory for both,
- willingness to give as well as take,
- and entertainment.
How to maintain a happy sex life with a partner? Do not expect me to describe any awkward positions from the Kama Sutra or complex tantric massages, thanks to which a frigid hag becomes an affectionate and sex-obsessed vixen. Below are the things that I consider important for partner intimacy in general. Maybe some of you will take the opportunity to review your existing dogmas. In fact, sex is full of them.
Talk, talk, talkI do not mean specifically during sex, although it would be certainly appreciated by some men. Talk before sex, after sex and especially about sex. Ask a partner what he wants, what he likes, what he have watched somewhere, what he would like to try, what he ever dreamed of, what are his secret wishes, how could you surprise him. Encourage him in openness, let him say anything.Many people think that they know how things are, because they watch porn or had enough partners. But they could not be further from the truth. Sex is such an individual thing, that we can hardly guess what pleases our neighbor. Openness about sex does wonders. Before purchasing handcuffs and a mask, ask a partner, what he desires.
Be open to new thingsMany people think, that in order to be creative enough they need to know three different ways to satisfy their other halves. Some even believe what pleases them is fine, but what pleases others and not them is somewhat aberrant.You don’t have to immediately throw yourself into doing everything your partner desires. Especially if one of you is more conservative and the other more adventurous. But don’t refuse completely any discussions on this topic. Maybe you can find a common field, perhaps you can agree to a compromise, perhaps you can try one of your boyfriend’s idea, and he will try yours in return. If you show your partner that you are open to debate he will certainly appreciate it.
Try to please each other but never demand anything your partner does not wantIf your partner is not in the mood to have sex, do not request it. This is one of the few things that I consider to be an absolute killer of passion. If you are tired in the evening and your partner will insist, maybe you will do it for him, but it certainly will poison your mood. On the other hand, if you are not in the mood for a longer period of time and you see that your partner is, do it for him. Omit your pleasure if you don’t want it, and concentrate on him. Then he may wash the dishes instead of you or make you breakfast.
Make clear what is not acceptable for youIf you know that proposal by your partner could hurt your feelings, tell it right at the beginning of a relationship.Would you, for example, mind a proposal from your partner for threesome with one of your friends? Do you mind to know that your sweetheart is also attracted to someone close to you? If you are unsure of the tact of your boyfriend or girlfriend, it is better to put some things clear in advance to avoid unnecessary misunderstanding.
Surprise your partnerAt least sometimes. Take a trip into the countryside and seduce him on some deserted place, put a miniskirt and heels and wait for him with his favorite dinner, walk in his baggy shorts and a used T-shirt (yes, it works too), be dominant for a change or buy a romantic gift for your girlfriend.It doesn’t have to be perfect or obstinate: just the fact that you try something unusual, can be fun and nice. New shared experiences will bring you closer. It is great to keep playfulness in a relationship, and when we can play better than during sex?
Do not take sex for granted, as marital obligation or necessityAppreciate your partner, if you like sex with him, work at it, so the sparkle will not fade. Do not take yourself too seriously and search only your satisfaction. Occasionally be unavailable for the partner or mysterious. Try to spice up your sex life before one of you gets bored. Instead of overcoming problems, it is easier to prevent them.
Do not manipulate your partner with sex
It’s not a gun or a business article, if you are not prostitute or porn star. Once you start considering sex as a favor or as a mean of obtaining money, expensive gifts or control over others, the spontaneity and joy disappears from it.Can you think of other important points to spice up sex life?
This article mainly concerns us, the common people who are not experts on sex or sexual abstainers. Probably you cannot find anything revolutionary here, but I can assure you that if you bear these few simple points in mind, you will have fun with your partner. Sex itself does not make a relationship, but why not to have a one-third of it without any problems?